








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 214 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
861 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,454 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 400 | 28% |
| Smokes | 597 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 254 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 203 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $132,755 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | 52% | 109 |
| #2 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | Jeekabs | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | Tenderloin | 48% | 61 |
| #5 | JakeyBoi | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | 52% | 109 |
| #2 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | Jeekabs | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | Tenderloin | 48% | 61 |
| #5 | JakeyBoi | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | 24 | 0.0128 |
| #2 | Tenderloin | 8 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 6 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Jeekabs | 5 | 0.0205 |
| #5 | JakeyBoi | 4 | 0.0260 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | 432 | 0.23 | 10 min |
| #2 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 107 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Tenderloin | 37 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jeekabs | 23 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | JakeyBoi | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | +1.64 | 57 | 54 |
| #2 | Jeekabs | +1.40 | 60 | 39 |
| #3 | live | +0.99 | 60 | 27 |
| #4 | Tenderloin | -0.32 | 23 | 26 |
| #5 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | -1.55 | 25 | 26 |





