








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 143 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
664 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,182 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 405 | 34% |
| Smokes | 155 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 239 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 383 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $333,626 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | live | 51% | 65 |
| #2 | Blame Hoffman | 51% | 67 |
| #3 | Tenderloin | 44% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | live | 51% | 65 |
| #2 | Blame Hoffman | 51% | 67 |
| #3 | Tenderloin | 44% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | 13 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | live | 11 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | Tenderloin | 7 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | 305 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #2 | live | 98 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Tenderloin | 30 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | +2.11 | 59 | 55 |
| #2 | live | +0.21 | 55 | 31 |
| #3 | Tenderloin | -0.05 | 20 | 26 |
| #4 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | -0.30 | 23 | 27 |





