








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
337 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 750 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 117 | 16% |
| Smokes | 258 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 205 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 170 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $33,214 of utility $24 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 114 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | live | 48% | 61 |
| #2 | Blame Hoffman | 47% | 60 |
| #3 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 44% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | live | 48% | 61 |
| #2 | Blame Hoffman | 47% | 60 |
| #3 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 44% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | live | 10 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | Blame Hoffman | 8 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | 237 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #2 | live | 85 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | 78 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blame Hoffman | +1.22 | 56 | 54 |
| #2 | live | -0.02 | 59 | 24 |
| #3 | Tenderloin | -0.57 | 21 | 25 |
| #4 | Weakest Haggis Enjoyer | -1.40 | 26 | 27 |





