








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 226 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2348 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,012 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 847 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1990 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 891 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1284 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $968,721 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | indeed | 49% | 95 |
| #11 | 狮子龙神号 | 49% | 72 |
| #12 | donk | 45% | 31 |
| #13 | 玉足 | 40% | 15 |
| #14 | 愚者のメロディー | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MF FOOD | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | 鳩 | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | -AKii- | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | 狮子龙神号 | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | ZisNuts | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -AKii- | 499 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | ZisNuts | 302 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | 狮子龙神号 | 143 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | donk | 80 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | indeed | 69 | 0.04 | 1 min |





