








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 787 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 244 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 92 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5532 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,651 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4137 | 28% |
| Smokes | 5322 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2876 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2316 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,157,014 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 122 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | 鳩 | 48% | 83 |
| #12 | indeed | 47% | 137 |
| #13 | 想当黑塔女士的膝关节 | 46% | 35 |
| #14 | 杨周炒饭 | 45% | 170 |
| #15 | 霧雨 魔理瓜 | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 杨周炒饭 | 11 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | donk | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Zevinzzzzz | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | MF FOOD | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | 狮子龙神号 | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -AKii- | 857 | 0.15 | 20 min |
| #2 | 杨周炒饭 | 417 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | donk | 341 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | MF FOOD | 245 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #5 | 狮子龙神号 | 196 | 0.09 | 4 min |





