








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 220 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3902 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,465 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1077 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2252 | 50% |
| HE Grenades | 355 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 781 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,088,996 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 58 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | 杨周炒饭 | 51% | 77 |
| #9 | ZisNuts | 50% | 270 |
| #10 | 玉足 | 48% | 21 |
| #11 | -AKii- | 47% | 220 |
| #12 | indeed | 45% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donk | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | 杨周炒饭 | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | ZisNuts | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Zevinzzzzz | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | 鳩 | 4 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZisNuts | 784 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #2 | -AKii- | 680 | 0.16 | 17 min |
| #3 | donk | 239 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | 杨周炒饭 | 218 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | 狮子龙神号 | 144 | 0.09 | 2 min |





