








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 147 matches | ||
| Wingman | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2409 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,363 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1006 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1970 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2722 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1665 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,146,178 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 557 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | larry | 12 | 0.0101 |
| #2 | jimmy bap | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Agera | 6 | 0.0141 |
| #4 | jølle | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | hjalle | 4 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimmy bap | 332 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | Anus Lover | 312 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | larry | 269 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #4 | hjalle | 158 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Anne "Sprute" Guri | 79 | 0.06 | 2 min |





