








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 473 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 281 matches | ||
| Wingman | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 24 different maps





Our logs show 138 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5035 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,006 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4747 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4660 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4766 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3833 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,290,723 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1338 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Agera | 57% | 204 |
| #2 | jimmy bap | 51% | 472 |
| #3 | Anne "Sprute" Guri | 49% | 55 |
| #4 | tullit0 | 48% | 120 |
| #5 | Anus Lover | 47% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | jimmy bap | 51% | 472 |
| #3 | Anne "Sprute" Guri | 49% | 55 |
| #4 | tullit0 | 48% | 120 |
| #5 | Anus Lover | 47% | 116 |
| #6 | surai | 46% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimmy bap | 41 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Agera | 17 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Anus Lover | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Anne "Sprute" Guri | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | surai | 2 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimmy bap | 1529 | 0.16 | 31 min |
| #2 | Agera | 593 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #3 | Anus Lover | 236 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | tullit0 | 105 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Anne "Sprute" Guri | 66 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimmy bap | +2.53 | 86 | 59 |
| #2 | Agera | +1.77 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | surai | -0.21 | 83 | 56 |
| #4 | hjalle | -0.72 | 73 | 58 |
| #5 | Anne "Sprute" Guri | -1.14 | 61 | 47 |





