








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 638 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




82 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3768 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,783 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2405 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1694 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2546 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2138 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,353,973 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 196 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✮ 𝑩𝑨𝑻𝑴𝑨𝑵 ✮ | 54 | 0.0201 |
| #2 | SHAKUNI | 35 | 0.0188 |
| #3 | STEVE ROGERS | 15 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | ₳Ⱡ₱Ⱨ₳ | 14 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | NEXU | 14 | 0.0182 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Morgan | 305 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #2 | SPIDER | 245 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | ₳Ⱡ₱Ⱨ₳ | 206 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | SHAKUNI | 199 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | STEVE ROGERS | 186 | 0.13 | 4 min |





