








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1739 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 529 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 234 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 140 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 96 matches | ||
| Wingman | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 115 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11617 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,888 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9123 | 28% |
| Smokes | 8380 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7742 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 7643 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $6,721,169 of utility $247 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2239 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | champagnepapi | 53% | 74 |
| #2 | Douchebag | 52% | 463 |
| #3 | Simpel | 50% | 862 |
| #4 | Jerry | 49% | 166 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | champagnepapi | 53% | 74 |
| #2 | Douchebag | 52% | 463 |
| #3 | Simpel | 50% | 862 |
| #4 | Jerry | 49% | 166 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simpel | 54 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Jerry | 18 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Douchebag | 14 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | champagnepapi | 7 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simpel | 2333 | 0.13 | 58 min |
| #2 | Douchebag | 1200 | 0.13 | 32 min |
| #3 | Jerry | 450 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #4 | champagnepapi | 256 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerry | +1.66 | 84 | 62 |
| #2 | Douchebag | +1.18 | 63 | 71 |
| #3 | ElMarkano | -0.31 | 67 | 59 |
| #4 | Simpel | -0.40 | 74 | 69 |
| #5 | champagnepapi | -0.70 | 79 | 46 |





