








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 102 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,357 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 751 | 22% |
| Smokes | 640 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 824 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1142 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $937,027 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1967 Volkswagen Beetle Sedan | 71% | 21 |
| #2 | SagerHD | 50% | 135 |
| #3 | Inoculum | 50% | 36 |
| #4 | Chuck | 49% | 74 |
| #5 | jvhze | 47% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jvhze | 12 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Inoculum | 6 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Chuck | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Ɓljnd ✨ | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | SagerHD | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ɓljnd ✨ | 282 | 0.34 | 9 min |
| #2 | jvhze | 254 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | SagerHD | 127 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Chuck | 117 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | brat symptom | 103 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jvhze | +2.21 | 62 | 71 |
| #2 | Inoculum | +2.03 | 71 | 24 |
| #3 | brat symptom | +1.87 | 61 | 66 |
| #4 | SagerHD | +1.23 | 52 | 46 |
| #5 | Chuck | -0.79 | 67 | 50 |





