








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 558 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 487 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 84 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5350 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2838 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1581 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 3950 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 1893 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,436,637 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 700 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brat symptom | 61% | 64 |
| #2 | jvhze | 54% | 90 |
| #3 | Inoculum | 53% | 75 |
| #4 | SagerHD | 50% | 240 |
| #5 | CrrysisHD | 49% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Inoculum | 53% | 75 |
| #4 | SagerHD | 50% | 240 |
| #5 | CrrysisHD | 49% | 74 |
| #6 | CouchPotato | 47% | 49 |
| #7 | 1967 Volkswagen Beetle Sedan | 42% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inoculum | 17 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | jvhze | 14 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | SagerHD | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | CouchPotato | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | CrrysisHD | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SagerHD | 265 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #2 | jvhze | 242 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | brat symptom | 195 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | CouchPotato | 135 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | 1967 Volkswagen Beetle Sedan | 58 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inoculum | +2.77 | 76 | 25 |
| #2 | brat symptom | +2.36 | 57 | 59 |
| #3 | jvhze | +2.05 | 57 | 69 |
| #4 | SagerHD | +1.06 | 54 | 47 |
| #5 | Chuck | +0.07 | 68 | 50 |





