








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 234 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 463 matches | ||
| Wingman | 46 matches | ||
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5282 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3576 | 19% |
| Smokes | 5673 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5299 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4593 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,390,763 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 428 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Soprano | 50% | 114 |
| #2 | Breadstick | 48% | 115 |
| #3 | Nuke | 47% | 207 |
| #4 | Metalface | 44% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Soprano | 50% | 114 |
| #2 | Breadstick | 48% | 115 |
| #3 | Nuke | 47% | 207 |
| #4 | Metalface | 44% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nuke | 13 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Soprano | 10 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Metalface | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nuke | 188 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #2 | Breadstick | 94 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | Soprano | 65 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #4 | Metalface | 63 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meow zedong | +0.75 | 59 | 49 |
| #2 | Soprano | -0.00 | 66 | 30 |
| #3 | Metalface | -0.32 | 71 | 35 |
| #4 | Breadstick | -0.44 | 74 | 55 |
| #5 | Nuke | -0.67 | 57 | 43 |





