








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 146 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1484 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,752 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 306 | 11% |
| Smokes | 680 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 943 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 823 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $692,014 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | β
ππ²πΌπΎπππ¨ | 52% | 46 |
| #4 | π΅πππγ€ | 52% | 75 |
| #5 | Osiris! | 51% | 113 |
| #6 | ruusunen | 51% | 100 |
| #7 | TonyBet | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ruusunen | 19 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | Osiris! | 11 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | TonyBet | 8 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | β
ππ²πΌπΎπππ¨ | 7 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | π΅πππγ€ | 6 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Osiris! | 560 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #2 | ruusunen | 418 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | β
ππ²πΌπΎπππ¨ | 209 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | TonyBet | 79 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | π΅πππγ€ | 28 | 0.02 | 0 min |





