








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2219 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,153 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1073 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1662 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1894 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1524 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $436,287 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 259 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Collejas ā | 69% | 29 |
| #2 | Yugge | 65% | 34 |
| #3 | Pumpkin | 59% | 44 |
| #4 | JoyE | 57% | 21 |
| #5 | āT A L Iā | 57% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Sya the Agent | 50% | 12 |
| #10 | Thanatos | 47% | 19 |
| #11 | WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW | 45% | 11 |
| #12 | cryptur | 43% | 28 |
| #13 | barsuk absolute egoist 21ā WW | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cryptur | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | JoyE | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | barsuk absolute egoist 21ā WW | 2 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW | 2 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | meb | 1 | 0.0016 |





