








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 504 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 227 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2493 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,823 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 385 | 8% |
| Smokes | 494 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 1818 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 2126 | 44% |
Our logs show you have wasted $817,248 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 255 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Collejas ā | 70% | 23 |
| #2 | Kokey Kola | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | Black tar heroine addict | 65% | 34 |
| #4 | barsuk absolute egoist 21ā WW | 63% | 46 |
| #5 | WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW | 57% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Sya the Agent | 51% | 83 |
| #9 | āT A L Iā | 49% | 43 |
| #10 | JoyE | 48% | 52 |
| #11 | Thanatos | 43% | 97 |
| #12 | Yugge | 25% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yugge | 10 | 0.0185 |
| #2 | Thanatos | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Sya the Agent | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Pumpkin | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Black tar heroine addict | 4 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thanatos | 320 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | Yugge | 141 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #3 | Sya the Agent | 97 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | āT A L Iā | 97 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | JoyE | 88 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kokey Kola | +2.94 | 71 | 53 |
| #2 | Black tar heroine addict | +2.89 | 81 | 59 |
| #3 | āT A L Iā | +2.68 | 83 | 65 |
| #4 | barsuk absolute egoist 21ā WW | +2.15 | 74 | 66 |
| #5 | Pumpkin | +2.11 | 67 | 59 |





