








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1630 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 661 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 109 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8813 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,902 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6438 | 28% |
| Smokes | 5135 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6442 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4887 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,301,599 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1560 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ❟❛❟ Jairette | 67% | 49 |
| #2 | ULI, ¿EL HUMILDE? | 64% | 75 |
| #3 | Zekken | 60% | 68 |
| #4 | Drako t('-'t)⛧ | 57% | 42 |
| #5 | mannyw0w | 55% | 262 |





