








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 29 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
236 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 653 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 70 | 11% |
| Smokes | 125 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 258 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 200 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $112,484 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ❖JvcobG | 55% | 40 |
| #6 | Tickler of Toes | 52% | 31 |
| #7 | Fless77 | 43% | 23 |
| #8 | kisskissbang | 20% | 5 |
| #9 | BigLankyRob | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 8 | 0.0308 |
| #2 | Tickler of Toes | 5 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Fless77 | 5 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | ❖JvcobG | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Sock eater | 2 | 0.0392 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ❖JvcobG | 163 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 66 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #3 | Tickler of Toes | 65 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Fless77 | 22 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | kisskissbang | 12 | 0.17 | 0 min |





