








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 704 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 176 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4297 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,844 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3424 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1033 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 3598 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1789 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,695,877 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 960 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | uncereal | 46% | 65 |
| #5 | Daddy Shrek | 45% | 536 |
| #6 | xxBEANzxx | 43% | 184 |
| #7 | Nameless | 35% | 68 |
| #8 | Finn00 | 34% | 166 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daddy Shrek | 33 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Sail | 21 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | xxBEANzxx | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Finn00 | 7 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | uncereal | 6 | 0.0046 |





