








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 56 matches | ||
| Faceit | 35 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
818 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,486 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 817 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1011 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1264 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1394 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $215,953 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fink | 75% | 20 |
| #2 | ham | 63% | 51 |
| #3 | Super_Duck | 61% | 23 |
| #4 | PIXEL | 60% | 57 |
| #5 | DAHL | 58% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fink | 75% | 20 |
| #2 | ham | 63% | 51 |
| #3 | Super_Duck | 61% | 23 |
| #4 | PIXEL | 60% | 57 |
| #5 | DAHL | 58% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DAHL | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | ham | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Fink | 5 | 0.0123 |
| #4 | PIXEL | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Super_Duck | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DAHL | 242 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | Super_Duck | 133 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #3 | PIXEL | 71 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | ham | 54 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fink | 35 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fink | +5.21 | 90 | 50 |
| #2 | ham | +3.72 | 69 | 54 |
| #3 | PIXEL | +1.58 | 68 | 58 |
| #4 | Super_Duck | +1.58 | 79 | 62 |
| #5 | DAHL | +1.17 | 72 | 57 |





