








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 560 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 915 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4737 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,565 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2002 | 11% |
| Smokes | 6441 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 4511 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5611 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,035,428 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2008 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haunt | 48% | 64 |
| #2 | C.R.E.A.M. | 47% | 515 |
| #3 | Treat PhD- | 43% | 236 |
| #4 | B3RRG | 35% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haunt | 48% | 64 |
| #2 | C.R.E.A.M. | 47% | 515 |
| #3 | Treat PhD- | 43% | 236 |
| #4 | B3RRG | 35% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C.R.E.A.M. | 45 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Treat PhD- | 17 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Haunt | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | B3RRG | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C.R.E.A.M. | 1954 | 0.18 | 56 min |
| #2 | Treat PhD- | 1229 | 0.24 | 33 min |
| #3 | B3RRG | 207 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Haunt | 62 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C.R.E.A.M. | +6.31 | 81 | 65 |
| #2 | Treat PhD- | +5.63 | 86 | 61 |
| #3 | Haunt | +1.13 | 55 | 38 |
| #4 | B3RRG | -0.21 | 90 | 68 |
| #5 | AH Mouse | -4.92 | 21 | 28 |





