








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2242 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,056 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 776 | 25% |
| Smokes | 989 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 454 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 837 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $571,938 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 295 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | QuBit | 51% | 41 |
| #9 | ❤︎j1zzard૮ • ﻌ - ა | 51% | 57 |
| #10 | dry | 40% | 15 |
| #11 | Conor The Coyote | 33% | 12 |
| #12 | Dax | 21% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Conor The Coyote | 6 | 0.0253 |
| #2 | Meek | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Massive Pear | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | QuBit | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | deejay | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deejay | 93 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | QuBit | 67 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Massive Pear | 56 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | uɐuqǝɹq | 37 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Meek | 33 | 0.04 | 0 min |





