








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
413 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,124 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 248 | 22% |
| Smokes | 264 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 314 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 298 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $218,950 of utility $232 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gargamel | 50% | 36 |
| #2 | Tw1sterr | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | wald0 | 41% | 17 |
| #4 | Jetsi | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | allu | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gargamel | 50% | 36 |
| #2 | Tw1sterr | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | wald0 | 41% | 17 |
| #4 | Jetsi | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | allu | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gargamel | 9 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Tw1sterr | 5 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | wald0 | 3 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | allu | 3 | 0.0099 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gargamel | 143 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #2 | Tw1sterr | 96 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #3 | allu | 77 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #4 | wald0 | 16 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jetsi | 3 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gargamel | +3.52 | 75 | 61 |
| #2 | Tw1sterr | +3.25 | 59 | 58 |
| #3 | Bailoe | -0.74 | 53 | 46 |
| #4 | wald0 | -0.96 | 64 | 36 |
| #5 | allu | -1.60 | 49 | 64 |





