










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
126 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 72 | 39% |
| Smokes | 18 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 37 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 57 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $27,592 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | duck. | 50% | 2 |
| #2 | SD229 | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | Xynche | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | Heimskr | 44% | 34 |
| #5 | §kððmå Çhµggêr | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | §kððmå Çhµggêr | 6 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | Quacks | 4 | 0.0112 |
| #3 | Heimskr | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | duck. | 2 | 0.0667 |
| #5 | filet mignon | 1 | 0.0120 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heimskr | 123 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | §kððmå Çhµggêr | 57 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Quacks | 39 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Xynche | 10 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | SD229 | 8 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heimskr | +5.83 | 64 | 53 |
| #2 | duck. | +4.64 | 53 | 26 |
| #3 | §kððmå Çhµggêr | +1.35 | 43 | 51 |
| #4 | Quacks | -0.81 | 22 | 61 |
| #5 | SD229 | -1.92 | 65 | 42 |





