








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 138 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2058 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,613 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2386 | 43% |
| Smokes | 1922 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 775 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 530 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $303,649 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | twink boi | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | KFC's $5 Fill Up, Only $5.49! | 50% | 121 |
| #3 | ✦𝖘 𝖍 𝖎 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 | 49% | 119 |
| #4 | Noki | 47% | 38 |
| #5 | a_name | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KFC's $5 Fill Up, Only $5.49! | 43 | 0.0171 |
| #2 | ✦𝖘 𝖍 𝖎 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 | 12 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | r0chs | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | Noki | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | coomer | 2 | 0.0085 |





