








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 178 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1479 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,767 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 553 | 10% |
| Smokes | 2877 | 50% |
| HE Grenades | 1970 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 367 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $507,703 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ͜ | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | wraith | 58% | 131 |
| #3 | anomalouS | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | kaluhm | 48% | 248 |
| #5 | timittotheburrito | 45% | 160 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ͜ | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | wraith | 58% | 131 |
| #3 | anomalouS | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | kaluhm | 48% | 248 |
| #5 | timittotheburrito | 45% | 160 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaluhm | 8 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | timittotheburrito | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | wraith | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaluhm | 182 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #2 | timittotheburrito | 174 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | wraith | 157 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | anomalouS | 26 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | ͜ | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ͜ | +11.40 | 81 | 11 |
| #2 | wraith | +2.13 | 71 | 52 |
| #3 | anomalouS | +1.62 | 64 | 61 |
| #4 | timittotheburrito | +0.88 | 58 | 46 |
| #5 | kaluhm | +0.09 | 68 | 45 |





