








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 268 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 207 matches | ||
| Faceit | 60 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2972 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,957 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1508 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3815 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 2220 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2414 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,076,497 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1062 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ͜ | 63% | 63 |
| #2 | anomalouS | 61% | 79 |
| #3 | tja_✶ | 58% | 131 |
| #4 | kaluhm | 57% | 260 |
| #5 | timittotheburrito | 53% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ͜ | 63% | 63 |
| #2 | anomalouS | 61% | 79 |
| #3 | tja_✶ | 58% | 131 |
| #4 | kaluhm | 57% | 260 |
| #5 | timittotheburrito | 53% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaluhm | 13 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | tja_✶ | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | ͜ | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | anomalouS | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kaluhm | 175 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #2 | anomalouS | 117 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | timittotheburrito | 110 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | tja_✶ | 75 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | ͜ | 14 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ͜ | +5.55 | 80 | 14 |
| #2 | anomalouS | +2.35 | 72 | 62 |
| #3 | wraith | +1.74 | 70 | 54 |
| #4 | timittotheburrito | +0.12 | 52 | 48 |
| #5 | kaluhm | -1.14 | 66 | 44 |





