








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 777 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 427 matches | ||
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




74 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5621 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,043 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8598 | 32% |
| Smokes | 6764 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 6386 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5295 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $887,483 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MARKERDTD | 59% | 54 |
| #2 | the white howard | 51% | 147 |
| #3 | Pockets | 51% | 118 |
| #4 | Gabagool | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | brothermo | 50% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | PsyLoki | 48% | 89 |
| #9 | Dequavious Pork | 47% | 115 |
| #10 | peter piper | 44% | 108 |
| #11 | Merloni | 41% | 133 |
| #12 | MorbidlyABeast | 40% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the white howard | 20 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | peter piper | 10 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | 24-TrackClickSyncd2DaMoogModular | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | PsyLoki | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | MARKERDTD | 5 | 0.0043 |





