








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 880 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 547 matches | ||
| Esplay | 166 matches | 1,683 | |
| Faceit | 72 matches | ||
| Wingman | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 24 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7405 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,046 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8418 | 23% |
| Smokes | 10181 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 8642 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 8805 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,782,335 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 678 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Bergwall 慶祝偉大 | 57% | 155 |
| #2 | Gnarly (rico) | 55% | 105 |
| #3 | Luvaludde ❤ | 53% | 277 |
| #4 | Dennis | 53% | 72 |
| #5 | BobbyB | 53% | 55 |





