








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 182 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3922 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,579 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5575 | 38% |
| Smokes | 4715 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2804 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1485 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,440,181 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alex | 47% | 59 |
| #2 | TSL ☆ | 47% | 506 |
| #3 | ᴀꜱᴄɪɪ | 45% | 29 |
| #4 | 鱼与熊掌 不可兼得 | 43% | 278 |
| #5 | Drappus | 40% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSL ☆ | 61 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | 鱼与熊掌 不可兼得 | 19 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | alex | 12 | 0.0105 |
| #4 | Atlas ☆ | 9 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Drappus | 4 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 鱼与熊掌 不可兼得 | 1420 | 0.25 | 33 min |
| #2 | Atlas ☆ | 695 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #3 | TSL ☆ | 645 | 0.06 | 17 min |
| #4 | Drappus | 122 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | alex | 109 | 0.09 | 3 min |





