








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 720 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1700 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,466 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1013 | 41% |
| Smokes | 712 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 164 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 577 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $607,309 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 212 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | björking it silly style | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | Mattage | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | #DoubleNigative | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | 鱼与熊掌 不可兼得 | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | TSL ☆ | 50% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | 鱼与熊掌 不可兼得 | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | TSL ☆ | 50% | 54 |
| #6 | Yuuma ☆ | 45% | 29 |
| #7 | Atlas ☆ | 43% | 35 |
| #8 | alex | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSL ☆ | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | björking it silly style | 4 | 0.0156 |
| #3 | 鱼与熊掌 不可兼得 | 3 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | #DoubleNigative | 2 | 0.0135 |
| #5 | Mattage | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 鱼与熊掌 不可兼得 | 154 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #2 | Yuuma ☆ | 77 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | Atlas ☆ | 64 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | TSL ☆ | 39 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | #DoubleNigative | 35 | 0.24 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSL ☆ | +4.37 | 84 | 57 |
| #2 | #DoubleNigative | +2.22 | 74 | 46 |
| #3 | ᴀꜱᴄɪɪ | +1.82 | 92 | 52 |
| #4 | Mattage | +1.36 | 54 | 9 |
| #5 | alex | -0.96 | 40 | 53 |





