








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 233 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 127 matches | ||
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1202 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,754 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1118 | 41% |
| Smokes | 766 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 110 | 4% |
| Molotovs | 760 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $491,132 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Jtman979 | 46% | 142 |
| #6 | Bartmane | 45% | 203 |
| #7 | Flash Mcqueen | 44% | 16 |
| #8 | Fl4tLined | 42% | 74 |
| #9 | ᥇ꪶꪮꪮᦔ ᥅ꪖꪜꫀꪀ | 41% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillip | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Bartmane | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Futt_Bucker | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Jtman979 | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | ᥇ꪶꪮꪮᦔ ᥅ꪖꪜꫀꪀ | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillip | 836 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #2 | Jtman979 | 610 | 0.20 | 14 min |
| #3 | Bartmane | 411 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | Fl4tLined | 406 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #5 | Futt_Bucker | 252 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bartmane | +3.22 | 82 | 49 |
| #2 | Phillip | +2.26 | 61 | 61 |
| #3 | -Juiceeeeee | +1.71 | 65 | 62 |
| #4 | Jtman979 | +1.64 | 66 | 56 |
| #5 | Futt_Bucker | +1.07 | 64 | 57 |





