








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1043 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 650 | 28% |
| Smokes | 655 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 430 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 560 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $253,382 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ha | 100% | 8 |
| #2 | zharkiE | 100% | 8 |
| #3 | wipeout | 86% | 7 |
| #4 | Consp1racy | 83% | 23 |
| #5 | fekwen | 80% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Dork | 75% | 12 |
| #7 | zohN=) | 71% | 17 |
| #8 | ✪ RIDGBAK | 60% | 5 |
| #9 | Nzk | 56% | 16 |
| #10 | .Rain. | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .Rain. | 8 | 0.0277 |
| #2 | Dork | 6 | 0.0189 |
| #3 | fekwen | 5 | 0.0175 |
| #4 | Consp1racy | 4 | 0.0090 |
| #5 | wipeout | 4 | 0.0292 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Consp1racy | 106 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #2 | wipeout | 48 | 0.35 | 1 min |
| #3 | zohN=) | 47 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | fekwen | 46 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nzk | 41 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zharkiE | +4.63 | 74 | 61 |
| #2 | Consp1racy | +4.52 | 84 | 73 |
| #3 | ha | +4.23 | 89 | 62 |
| #4 | fekwen | +3.97 | 94 | 63 |
| #5 | wipeout | +3.20 | 90 | 48 |





