








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
146 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 482 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 130 | 27% |
| Smokes | 161 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 110 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 81 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $50,750 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Uber Eats | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | dumb weeb | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | boser | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | dumb weeb | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | boser | 50% | 8 |
| #6 | edd | 17% | 6 |
| #7 | HarryXie | 0% | 2 |
| #8 | Myass | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 2 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | edd | 1 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | HarryXie | 1 | 0.0270 |
| #4 | Myass | 1 | 0.0270 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 50 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 31 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| #3 | boser | 27 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Uber Eats | 23 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | edd | 15 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | danyang0108 | +2.86 | 62 | 66 |
| #2 | dumb weeb | +1.34 | 67 | 58 |
| #3 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | +0.69 | 69 | 63 |
| #4 | HarryXie | +0.57 | 35 | 9 |
| #5 | edd | -0.01 | 74 | 34 |





