








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
727 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,857 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 573 | 31% |
| Smokes | 315 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 566 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 403 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $217,477 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ᵛᵃˡᵛᵉ Nisses S60™ | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | Agony | 50% | 4 |
| #7 | El Glido | 50% | 4 |
| #8 | Macke | 50% | 14 |
| #9 | Pepe the Prawn King | 49% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pepe the Prawn King | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Kermit the Frog | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Joar | 2 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Macke | 1 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | ᵛᵃˡᵛᵉ Nisses S60™ | 1 | 0.0087 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pepe the Prawn King | 66 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Kermit the Frog | 42 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Joar | 39 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Macke | 20 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mackelito | 11 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mackelito | +5.69 | 84 | 71 |
| #2 | Macke | +5.33 | 81 | 73 |
| #3 | ᵛᵃˡᵛᵉ Nisses S60™ | +3.08 | 36 | 55 |
| #4 | Agony | +2.60 | 90 | 62 |
| #5 | Elmo | +1.32 | 74 | 63 |





