








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 191 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,916 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1249 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1181 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1363 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1123 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $242,426 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 221 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nallu | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | troijan hevoneN~~ | 74% | 27 |
| #3 | starlight | 71% | 17 |
| #4 | ape | 69% | 42 |
| #5 | SotaJimmy | 63% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SotaJimmy | 6 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | ape | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | 777 | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Vilzs | 2 | 0.0115 |
| #5 | starlight | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SotaJimmy | 98 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | 777 | 94 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | ape | 86 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | troijan hevoneN~~ | 66 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nallu | 58 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vilzs | +2.05 | 87 | 53 |
| #2 | troijan hevoneN~~ | +1.82 | 60 | 63 |
| #3 | starlight | +1.55 | 71 | 43 |
| #4 | SotaJimmy | +1.53 | 74 | 45 |
| #5 | ape | +1.33 | 91 | 52 |





