








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 93 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 341 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2466 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,820 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1995 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1229 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 3513 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 3083 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,278,826 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 262 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Property of Puffy (Bottom) | 53% | 140 |
| #5 | Johannes "puffy" Deagle | 51% | 341 |
| #6 | Percocet Rodgers | 48% | 304 |
| #7 | PAD ON PCP IN 240p | 46% | 98 |
| #8 | Sandboards finna pop flash | 42% | 177 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johannes "puffy" Deagle | 80 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Percocet Rodgers | 26 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | $N2 Sergeant Señor Semen | 23 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | Sandboards finna pop flash | 17 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | Property of Puffy (Bottom) | 11 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Percocet Rodgers | 504 | 0.08 | 16 min |
| #2 | Johannes "puffy" Deagle | 424 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #3 | Sandboards finna pop flash | 334 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | Property of Puffy (Bottom) | 300 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | $N2 Sergeant Señor Semen | 236 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ser.e.fim | +4.48 | 61 | 66 |
| #2 | Property of Puffy (Bottom) | +3.38 | 66 | 57 |
| #3 | Sandboards finna pop flash | +1.38 | 62 | 57 |
| #4 | $N2 Sergeant Señor Semen | +1.03 | 43 | 55 |
| #5 | Percocet Rodgers | +0.11 | 48 | 66 |





