








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 129 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 518 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




110 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4233 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,234 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1983 | 16% |
| Smokes | 4182 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 4256 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1813 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,753,636 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 413 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ser.e.fim | 53% | 176 |
| #5 | $N2 Sergeant Señor Semen | 52% | 225 |
| #6 | Percocet Rodgers | 51% | 404 |
| #7 | Vagonica Brown | 51% | 341 |
| #8 | Sandboards finna pop flash | 48% | 245 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vagonica Brown | 36 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | $N2 Sergeant Señor Semen | 36 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Percocet Rodgers | 32 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Sandboards finna pop flash | 19 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Property of Puffy (Bottom) | 19 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Percocet Rodgers | 617 | 0.07 | 19 min |
| #2 | Property of Puffy (Bottom) | 453 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | Vagonica Brown | 426 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #4 | Sandboards finna pop flash | 399 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #5 | $N2 Sergeant Señor Semen | 360 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ser.e.fim | +4.51 | 65 | 64 |
| #2 | Property of Puffy (Bottom) | +3.53 | 64 | 56 |
| #3 | Sandboards finna pop flash | +1.56 | 63 | 57 |
| #4 | $N2 Sergeant Señor Semen | +0.87 | 42 | 57 |
| #5 | Percocet Rodgers | -0.01 | 50 | 63 |





