








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2248 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,485 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2564 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2178 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1960 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 783 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $319,966 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 173 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EL SCHNOSE 👃 | 72% | 54 |
| #2 | s1mple | 68% | 22 |
| #3 | PAJEET SHART CLUB Zeised | 64% | 50 |
| #4 | Starling | 60% | 52 |
| #5 | selfish deed | 58% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | komaki | 18 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | s1mple | 16 | 0.0356 |
| #3 | EL SCHNOSE 👃 | 12 | 0.0105 |
| #4 | PAJEET SHART CLUB Zeised | 12 | 0.0117 |
| #5 | Starling | 5 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | komaki | 309 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | PAJEET SHART CLUB Zeised | 155 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | EL SCHNOSE 👃 | 147 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | selfish deed | 108 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Starling | 104 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s1mple | +2.63 | 77 | 44 |
| #2 | LovesAnimation94 | +2.50 | 74 | 56 |
| #3 | EL SCHNOSE 👃 | +2.20 | 75 | 55 |
| #4 | PAJEET SHART CLUB Zeised | +1.99 | 72 | 58 |
| #5 | skypot | +1.37 | 35 | 37 |





