








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 111 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1839 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,693 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2151 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1605 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 365 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 1572 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $266,820 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 128 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kai-b | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | NxS | 64% | 69 |
| #3 | Owen4k | 55% | 29 |
| #4 | goose peek | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | Hector Salamanca's Kitten | 50% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | goose peek | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | Hector Salamanca's Kitten | 50% | 14 |
| #6 | ostemannen | 50% | 24 |
| #7 | Temp0h | 44% | 18 |
| #8 | FemboyNova | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NxS | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Hector Salamanca's Kitten | 2 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Owen4k | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NxS | 488 | 0.32 | 12 min |
| #2 | Owen4k | 89 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | ostemannen | 62 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | kai-b | 55 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | Temp0h | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0nkey | +1.63 | 82 | 62 |
| #2 | Hector Salamanca's Kitten | +1.50 | 66 | 55 |
| #3 | ostemannen | +1.30 | 65 | 69 |
| #4 | kai-b | +0.74 | 70 | 60 |
| #5 | Owen4k | +0.60 | 79 | 60 |





