








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Wingman | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1497 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,492 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2141 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2206 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1358 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 787 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $521,414 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knuckles | 65% | 40 |
| #2 | Low™ | 48% | 89 |
| #3 | loutwoot | 46% | 106 |
| #4 | 2fast4me | 45% | 227 |
| #5 | Nenn mich Mariah, denn ich Carry | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | loutwoot | 46% | 106 |
| #4 | 2fast4me | 45% | 227 |
| #5 | Nenn mich Mariah, denn ich Carry | 40% | 25 |
| #6 | Carry Potter | 38% | 55 |
| #7 | Konsti`- | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | loutwoot | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | 2fast4me | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Low™ | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Carry Potter | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Knuckles | 2 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2fast4me | 243 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #2 | Low™ | 111 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | Knuckles | 111 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | loutwoot | 101 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Carry Potter | 83 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knuckles | +1.41 | 87 | 58 |
| #2 | 2fast4me | +1.26 | 69 | 59 |
| #3 | Carry Potter | -0.13 | 65 | 63 |
| #4 | Nenn mich Mariah, denn ich Carry | -0.64 | 61 | 55 |
| #5 | Low™ | -0.71 | 68 | 53 |





