








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 586 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 89 matches | 1,872 | |
| Faceit | 76 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1644 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,081 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1371 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1303 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1220 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1187 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $789,647 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 88 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ogrecrabs | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | tosh | 55% | 60 |
| #3 | chickenongoat | 53% | 80 |
| #4 | BOT flamboyantfork | 52% | 160 |
| #5 | mollej | 52% | 168 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mollej | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | BOT flamboyantfork | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #3 | Dasen -:Is there a cow tonight:- | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT flamboyantfork | 400 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #2 | mollej | 219 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | chickenongoat | 144 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Dasen -:Is there a cow tonight:- | 72 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | tosh | 65 | 0.05 | 2 min |





