








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 565 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 84 matches | 1,873 | |
| Faceit | 73 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1802 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,862 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1452 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2047 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1660 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1703 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $612,182 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 252 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ogrecrabs | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | tosh | 54% | 57 |
| #3 | chickenongoat | 52% | 77 |
| #4 | mollej | 52% | 160 |
| #5 | Kangounchained | 52% | 160 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | chickenongoat | 52% | 77 |
| #4 | mollej | 52% | 160 |
| #5 | Kangounchained | 52% | 160 |
| #6 | Dasen -:Is there a cow tonight:- | 47% | 57 |
| #7 | fryk | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kangounchained | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | mollej | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Dasen -:Is there a cow tonight:- | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kangounchained | 368 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #2 | mollej | 208 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | chickenongoat | 135 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dasen -:Is there a cow tonight:- | 70 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | tosh | 63 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chickenongoat | +1.26 | 85 | 68 |
| #2 | mollej | +0.52 | 56 | 67 |
| #3 | tosh | +0.49 | 68 | 66 |
| #4 | Kangounchained | +0.44 | 64 | 69 |
| #5 | BOT flamboyantfork | +0.19 | 69 | 79 |





