








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 855 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Wingman | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1287 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,333 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 823 | 25% |
| Smokes | 465 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 1061 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 984 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $362,664 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1116 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | notgray | 53% | 148 |
| #2 | Bowl | 44% | 16 |
| #3 | <3 | 39% | 18 |
| #4 | clark | 35% | 34 |
| #5 | VQueer | 35% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | notgray | 53% | 148 |
| #2 | Bowl | 44% | 16 |
| #3 | <3 | 39% | 18 |
| #4 | clark | 35% | 34 |
| #5 | VQueer | 35% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | notgray | 39 | 0.0147 |
| #2 | <3 | 10 | 0.0279 |
| #3 | VQueer | 7 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | clark | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Bowl | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | notgray | 255 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | VQueer | 29 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | clark | 11 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | <3 | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | metal | +4.99 | 72 | 41 |
| #2 | Bowl | +0.36 | 39 | 8 |
| #3 | <3 | -0.50 | 55 | 15 |
| #4 | notgray | -2.22 | 44 | 42 |
| #5 | VQueer | -5.28 | 9 | 18 |





