








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 915 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 346 matches | ||
| Faceit | 122 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8106 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,190 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1616 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1725 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2110 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2739 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,332,671 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2197 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Buk | 57% | 109 |
| #2 | beans | 57% | 413 |
| #3 | Lemon | 57% | 306 |
| #4 | Teajohn | 56% | 218 |
| #5 | R33 | 55% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Teajohn | 56% | 218 |
| #5 | R33 | 55% | 138 |
| #6 | MUSquirel | 53% | 156 |
| #7 | Faded ❟❛❟ | 50% | 38 |
| #8 | onimaru | 50% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R33 | 16 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Teajohn | 15 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | beans | 11 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Lemon | 11 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | MUSquirel | 11 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beans | 875 | 0.10 | 21 min |
| #2 | Teajohn | 697 | 0.15 | 17 min |
| #3 | Lemon | 679 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #4 | R33 | 554 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #5 | MUSquirel | 283 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | z | +1.72 | 88 | 38 |
| #2 | beans | +1.47 | 83 | 61 |
| #3 | R33 | +1.29 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | Teajohn | +0.06 | 80 | 67 |
| #5 | MUSquirel | -0.46 | 68 | 64 |





