










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 409 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2524 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,859 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2877 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1827 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2793 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2362 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $516,385 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 554 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Buk | 65% | 40 |
| #2 | beans | 58% | 213 |
| #3 | onimaru | 56% | 27 |
| #4 | Teajohn | 56% | 108 |
| #5 | z | 55% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Teajohn | 56% | 108 |
| #5 | z | 55% | 138 |
| #6 | MUSquirel | 55% | 104 |
| #7 | Lemon | 54% | 127 |
| #8 | d1nk | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MUSquirel | 14 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Teajohn | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | beans | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Lemon | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | z | 5 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beans | 441 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #2 | Teajohn | 318 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | Lemon | 256 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | MUSquirel | 176 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | z | 122 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R33 | +1.75 | 76 | 64 |
| #2 | beans | +1.59 | 81 | 59 |
| #3 | z | +0.91 | 87 | 39 |
| #4 | Teajohn | +0.13 | 81 | 68 |
| #5 | MUSquirel | -0.93 | 61 | 61 |





