










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 310 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3472 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,022 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1898 | 47% |
| Smokes | 975 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 460 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 689 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $304,660 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 439 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gandalf the Grey | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | Plop | 61% | 84 |
| #3 | BOT Kirchir | 60% | 97 |
| #4 | Tangled Violet | 60% | 57 |
| #5 | Gr3nad3n | 55% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Gr3nad3n | 55% | 125 |
| #6 | Nagasaki | 48% | 33 |
| #7 | NinjaRk | 44% | 16 |
| #8 | ✞𝔯.𝔦.𝔭✞ | 40% | 80 |
| #9 | Marshmallow hell cat | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT Kirchir | 40 | 0.0229 |
| #2 | Gr3nad3n | 15 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | ✞𝔯.𝔦.𝔭✞ | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Nagasaki | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | Marshmallow hell cat | 4 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT Kirchir | 500 | 0.29 | 13 min |
| #2 | Plop | 214 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Gr3nad3n | 198 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Nagasaki | 69 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | ✞𝔯.𝔦.𝔭✞ | 63 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT Kirchir | +4.98 | 70 | 63 |
| #2 | Disabled | +4.21 | 72 | 44 |
| #3 | Marshmallow hell cat | +2.46 | 67 | 35 |
| #4 | Nagasaki | +1.48 | 76 | 63 |
| #5 | Gr3nad3n | -0.18 | 28 | 45 |





