








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
571 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,056 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 109 | 10% |
| Smokes | 244 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 340 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 363 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $219,368 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 35 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | criss | 50% | 10 |
| #2 | qAp | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | Jaan Sügelis | 44% | 36 |
| #4 | ёбаный тайминг | 37% | 35 |
| #5 | Faktuaalne | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | criss | 50% | 10 |
| #2 | qAp | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | Jaan Sügelis | 44% | 36 |
| #4 | ёбаный тайминг | 37% | 35 |
| #5 | Faktuaalne | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ёбаный тайминг | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Jaan Sügelis | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | qAp | 1 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Faktuaalne | 1 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ёбаный тайминг | 90 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jaan Sügelis | 89 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | criss | 15 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Faktuaalne | 14 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | qAp | 13 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qAp | +3.74 | 76 | 46 |
| #2 | criss | +3.33 | 78 | 59 |
| #3 | Jaan Sügelis | +1.36 | 64 | 59 |
| #4 | ёбаный тайминг | +0.43 | 71 | 53 |
| #5 | Faktuaalne | -1.14 | 37 | 35 |





