








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
101 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 419 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 134 | 32% |
| Smokes | 102 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 91 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 92 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $50,380 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cynical | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Noname | 43% | 7 |
| #3 | crisiz | 43% | 7 |
| #4 | Matrix | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | Freecant | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | crisiz | 43% | 7 |
| #4 | Matrix | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | Freecant | 33% | 6 |
| #6 | n0ah | 30% | 10 |
| #7 | cloud | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matrix | 3 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | cloud | 2 | 0.0133 |
| #3 | Noname | 1 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matrix | 59 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | n0ah | 49 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #3 | crisiz | 28 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Noname | 25 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Freecant | 18 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cynical | +3.83 | 75 | 21 |
| #2 | Matrix | +3.57 | 87 | 81 |
| #3 | Freecant | +1.17 | 69 | 74 |
| #4 | cloud | +0.89 | 90 | 37 |
| #5 | crisiz | +0.04 | 66 | 62 |





