








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,284 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 365 | 28% |
| Smokes | 237 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 319 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 363 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $280,263 of utility $247 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cynical | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | Silu | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Noname | 67% | 15 |
| #4 | cloud | 61% | 23 |
| #5 | n0ah | 61% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Matrix | 59% | 51 |
| #7 | Freecant | 56% | 32 |
| #8 | ✪ DonaldsonLH | 56% | 18 |
| #9 | plex. | 43% | 7 |
| #10 | pigeon | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cloud | 13 | 0.0255 |
| #2 | Matrix | 9 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | n0ah | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Noname | 2 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | pigeon | 2 | 0.0119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matrix | 260 | 0.23 | 8 min |
| #2 | Freecant | 142 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | n0ah | 140 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #4 | cloud | 88 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Noname | 54 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matrix | +2.99 | 82 | 77 |
| #2 | cloud | +1.49 | 87 | 44 |
| #3 | Silu | +0.38 | 40 | 49 |
| #4 | Freecant | +0.18 | 79 | 63 |
| #5 | ✪ DonaldsonLH | +0.13 | 85 | 65 |





